six flags

And all of them are white.

As in, I surrender.

So perhaps it isn’t yet obvious that I am obsessed, consumed even, by opressive uncertainty as to what I ought to be doing professionally. I thought that I had found a reasonable calling yesterday with this opportunity in the UK. I talked to the dude on the phone today and the intermediate steps between me and this position aren’t all that pretty. It turns out I’m actually better qualified for what they outlined in the ad than I am for ‘lesser’ positions outlined in other ads – most of them domestic. So, unless the dude wants to train me (and I imagine that the husband isn’t really pushing for that) it’s a no go.

My manager sent me the milestones that I ought to be looking at meeting for such time as evaluations come around. I’ve only been here six months, so I’m not exactly up for promotion any time soon. But in searching for the place where I am supposed to input these milestones, I stumbled across BAC’s self assessment page. As assessing my interests was the best use of my time I could come up with, I started.

The assessment was comprised of a number of cards with a word like ‘teaching’ on them and a little picture. You digitally divided the cards into ‘like’ and ‘dislike’ stacks, and then ranked your like pile into a group of your top ten likes. It then calcuated and divided the possible areas of preference into four: data, things, ideas and people. I scored exactly 0% on data and things, 80% for ideas and 20% for people.

Some time a long time ago, I developed a picture of where I thought I was going to be as an adult. The mental image was a little fuzzy on the hairstyle, but I was dressed all in black, I had a cozy cottage and I was a professor of something at a costal university. For as long as I remember, that was who I thought I was going to be. My only comment on the blog thus far suggests exactly that for me: professor of humanities.

The job description certainly focuses on ideas and people. But goddess knows there is a lot of school left between me and even hoping for such a thing: another year to get my MA out of the way and then to decide on some sort of a major for the PhD and a program to get it in. Distance learning history anyone? Humanities?

But I’d still need publication to rise to the top of the pile of candidates.

And that’s it folks. Back on the rollercoaster.

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six flags

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