Dogberry

…is a character from Much Ado About Nothing, Shakespeare’s comedy about malice and love.  One of the best of Shakespeare’s ladies comes out of Much Ado – Beatrice.  However, it is not Beatrice and her wit that we are worried about today: it is Dogberry.

“O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass…O that I had been writ down an ass!”

Dogberry therefore becomes shorthand for every XY who is content to speak about how thoroughly he is an ass, but yet fails to actually address the assy behavior.  

Here is an example: James Blunt, Same Mistake lyrics…

I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don’t give me choice.
‘Cause I’ll just make the same mistake again.
And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak.
Don’t buy the promises ’cause, there are no promises I keep.
And my reflection troubles me, so here I go.
I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don’t give me choice.
‘Cause I’ll just make the same mistake,
I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don’t give me choice.
‘Cause I’ll just make the same mistake again.
Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars.
Look at the stars fall down.
And wonder where did I go wrong.
 

Dude.  If you can’t figure out where you went wrong, let me help you out.  Grown men may make new mistakes, but they don’t retread the same ground repeatedly and then ask their women to “give me reason but don’t give me choice.” 

Really?  You want to call yourself my man, but you can’t figure out how to make choices that support a relationship with me?  Take your pick.  Grow up and act right, or wallow in your adolescent f&ckery and leave me the hell alone. 

This shit is NOT romantic.  Romantic is handling your business like a grown up.  Romantic is showing up even when you don’t feel like it because what you want is bigger than the next thirty minutes.  Romantic is chicken soup and nyquil when your girl is sick.  There is NOTHING romantic about calling to say that you are a f&ck up with no intention of figuring out how to avoid f&cking up in the future. 

Please.

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Dogberry

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