Dear LiLo

I’m working my way through the train-wrecks, but I keep putting you off.  Quite frankly, you don’t have a lot going for you.  To begin with, I am sure there are equally selfish parents out there, but I can’t think of any.  They both seem hellbent on cashing in on whatever money making power you may have left.

Here is the problem.  You’ve sniffed your way past alienating anyone that could possibly help you and your current talent seems to be giving the gossip magazines something sad to talk about.  Sorry, love, but you are going to have to work.  You are going to have to find some humility, you are going to have to accept some responsibility, and you are going to have to decide that you want a future more than you want to stuff more powder up your nose.  There is always redemption, but even you are going to have to work for it.

And by work, I don’t mean whoring yourself out on the casting couch.

See, part of my trouble with you is the fact that my niece wanted to emulate you at one point.  Hopefully, she’s gotten past that… but you are a cautionary tale now, and that’s not something to be proud of.

Everyone has some sh!t to overcome.  That’s what builds character.  I’ll buy that you have more sh!t than most people.  The problem is when you let that define you.  Adolescents wallow and make excuses.  Adults pick themselves up and move on.

Grow up, love.  You are beautiful and your adoring public really would like to see you succeed.


Dear LiLo

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