The Megalomaniac’s Disclosure

I feel weird about all of the things I’ve been posting up here, like I’ve suddenly turned into a self-aggrandizing megalomaniac.  I hope that isn’t true.  I certainly don’t want it to be true.

See, I started out with a ratio of panic attack days to peaceful days of about 99 to 1.  Somewhere along the way I was blessed with the means to buy books; changes in circumstances that led me to a network of new and old friends who listened and accepted and recommended other books or new thoughts; and experiences that showed me how I could apply it.  More recently, I’m managing a average 40/60 split between panic attack days and peaceful days.

So I’m writing down the tools I’ve used and the things I say to myself, not because this is the path, but because it is a path.  I don’t want to be anyone’s guru.  The reality is that I still have to remind myself of so much of what I’ve written down recently because without it, I flounder badly.  This is the driftwood from which I’ve cobbled together a reasonably serviceable life raft, or at least a place to rest when I wear myself out swimming.  I’m putting it into the black hole of the internet in case someone else might find a bit of driftwood here that they’ve been missing from their own raft.

Really, the unpublished linear notes for every one of these posts is a list of people that I’m grateful to for things like sharing their driftwood, swimming next to me, holding the raft together while I slept, navigating, or reminding me that the stars shine equally on solid ground and driftwood rafts.  Yes, SBS, I’m talking about you too.

So goodnight, mysterious strangers.  May the sunlight reveal an entire ocean of people doing the very same thing you’re doing right now: the best you can with what you’ve got.  Thank God that’s all that’s required, because it’s for sure all I have.

The Megalomaniac’s Disclosure

2 thoughts on “The Megalomaniac’s Disclosure

  1. Just found you through Fresh Pressed, and I *so* relate to this post. I started blogging as a tool in using my bipolar disorder as a spiritual path—how to wake up in the middle of despair, how to get brutally honest, how to identify delusion. It’s all process, all junk and treasure we pick up and set down on the path. But, incredible as it seems, doing this work in public is helpful to others. So keep coming here.


  2. Entrope

    There are all kinds of Megalomania………..everyone pictures the guys in leather masks ranting on YouTube. The platform of blogging can be a spark for grandiosity (I know). Nobody talks about becoming friends with or accepting Megalomaniacs, (yours or someone else’s) but everyone supports folks with treatable diseases like Bipolar, ADD, Depression etc.

    All I know is that writing is a great outlet and you seem to bring a lot to the table, if we should run across each other’s Megalomaniac………let’s not get all freaked out about it – they are just words bubbling in your screen, but if you see me on your doorstep with a chainsaw………….



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