People are Icebergs

And so are relationships.  Maybe 10% is visible to you and will submit to the tyranny of language.  90% is submerged in a place beyond description and way too big to get your judgement around.

Just … be easy on other people.  Yourself too.  There are some truly awful people in this world; but most of us, most of the time, are doing the best we can with what we’ve got.  It’s so easy to be certain of what other people should do, of what you think you would do were you in the situation…  but you don’t know what kind of a victory it is that some of us make it out of bed in the morning.  Sometimes just hanging on is so unbelievably brave that asking for more is like accepting a vault full of diamonds and pouting because there weren’t pearls involved too.

Before you get certain about what someone else should do, figure out whether or not you’d be willing to assume their burden of experience first.  Unless you’d gladly take on what they’ve taken on in their life, see what they’ve seen, endured what they’ve endured, and survived what they’ve survived…

Of course, if you did all of that, you’d have nothing for compassion about whatever it is they chose today…

Other people’s opinions are a heavy thing.  Even when unvoiced, we carry around concern for what we think someone else might think.  Don’t make it worse.  Honor the 90% with your quiet company, and hope to G-d that you have someone who can love you cleanly enough to do the same for you.

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People are Icebergs

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