Decisions

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Somewhere around October of 2011, I decided I was done doing temporary.  Almost, maybe, works for now, will do in a pinch, I’ve got nothing better to do, why not, it’s better than nothing, at least I’ll have something to write about…  I decided all of those were no longer options for me.

And the universe has been laughing at me ever since.  I’ve moved twice since that declaration, the second move being less settled than I could have ever imagined at the time that I made this brash assertion to the ether.  The permanent love that dropped into my lap has proven theoretical by any practical or experiential measure.

One of my 3 go-to books for navigating my emotional state with some semblance of balance* says to listen to the songs that arrive unbidden in your head as they are a means through which your intuition speaks.  In my head, I hear misinterpreted lyrics from Jonatha Brooke.

In my dream it’s all a test that I take to find myself.  

I still believe in it, the power that accompanies a decision, even though the past two years haven’t exactly conformed the supposition.  In fact, the past two years have provided more evidence towards a laughing, capricious universe that looks at any decisions made by me and says “ha!  really?  that’s how you think it’s going to be?  well, watch this…”

Which leaves me exactly nowhere.  I like to have some sort of a conclusion when I sit down to write a post, but today I’ve got nothing of the sort.  Just that, in spite of all evidence being to the contrary, I believe in the power of a decision.

And I’m still officially unavailable for temporary.

*The balance book list is:

 

 

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Decisions

5 thoughts on “Decisions

  1. Entrope,
    If you were going to take an option out of mothballs, I would go with “at least I’ll have something to write about.”

    Depending on how you look at it, being exactly nowhere can be the most exact place you ever encounter.

    Being troubled has downsides sure……doesn’t everything?
    RidicuRyder

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  2. Bubba says:

    Well, you did name your blog Entropy. How did you expect the universe to respond?
    I think we can count on everything being temporary at least for the next 10^100 years at which point we’ll all be some random soup of atoms and at that point will it really matter?

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  3. I’m pretty sure there isn’t much causality involved with naming the blog entropy… Really, it was more descriptive than proscriptive. As out of control as my ego can get, I don’t think it is so big that I can convince myself that the universe actually cares that I borrowed from the laws of physics for a goofy blog. 🙂

    The trouble with carrying around the acute awareness of exactly how temporary our endeavors really are is kind of the same trouble you get with maintaining the depressed person’s awareness of exactly how little control we have over what happens in our lives. The awareness can be crippling. My dad makes furniture… if everything is equally temporary, why bother with dove-tail joints when you can go to Ikea and get a dresser for next to nothing and put it together over the course of an afternoon?

    I’m pretty sure that our trying in the face of certain failure is at the core of what it means to be human and is, in fact, what makes the whole of humanity beautiful. The notion of showing up, even when it scares you. Trying even though you know you’re going to fail. The odds are what make determination both brave and beautiful.

    So I can’t argue that everything is temporary and our destination is a random soup of atoms… But we’ve still got 70 years or so within which to make *something* matter. The trouble is, as always, the choice between the logical outcome of the awareness – nihilism – and what a terrible waste it is to give up just because it’s hard or complicated or uncertain.

    a.

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  4. Yes, which is why the transparent state of perfect neutrality is so attractive, on the one hand it doesn’t cost anything……on the other you inevitably get bored and then engage in a death match struggle against whatever impulses wander by – ice cream for example. 🙂

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