These grand thoughts seem to happen fairly regularly in the shower… Seriously, before the invention of the shower, where did people go to have their grand thoughts? It is entirely foofy, but I want to believe water is some superconductor between a body and the Universe. I was standing there in the dark and I realized that I am the thing I wanted to be when I grew up.
It doesn’t look like what I thought it would look like. At sixteen, I saw myself standing on a cliff in a black skirt on a walk with four dogs after a long day writing and teaching. It doesn’t look like that. There aren’t many cliffs in DC and I don’t wear black Stevie Nicks skirts to work most days. My teaching duties are more “other duties as assigned” than they are classroom with chalk.
But I am a writer. I write books, though that doesn’t pay me nearly enough to survive on. I write reports – I’m currently up to my eyes in Ebloa, which I will wax eloquently about later. And I only have one dog. It isn’t the way I thought it would be – these things never are, but it *is* what I wished for. After a fashion. I’m incredibly lucky… loads of people are still looking for where they belong, or making intolerable compromises. There are things I don’t like about my work – I don’t like it when the experts come in and muck up the flow and rhythm of my paragraphs. There is nothing about technical or scientific writing that says it can’t have a flow or that every sentence must start with “the.” And I get frustrated when I can’t fix it because the expert on Ebola trumps the (more-or-less) expert on words.
So no, it isn’t perfect. But perfect would be boring – we all need something to squawk about. Still, it’s kinda sorta what I wished for…